Nelly
Butch
50 Days 'til 50Day 12Dog Days of SummerMy partner awoke me this morning at 730 to remind me we had to take the dogs to the vet. Normally it takes me a dog year to get going in the mornings but I leaped out of bed, showered, and made breakfast in record time to make our 9 am appointment. These are after all, our children. Growing up as a gay kid, it wasn’t talked about as much as it is today but the feeling was I was to grow up and grow old, never having children of my own. Being adopted myself I knew I had the capacity to love an adopted child but the law pretty much had made the decision for me. I thought of it many times over the years but it just wasn’t part of my path this lifetime. As I now approach 50 it seems pretty much unlikely it will happen.I think I was about 5 when I received my first puppy, a golden retriever who we named Bridget. It was love at first site. I loved this dog with all my might and the love was reciprocated tenfold. My parents had two poodles prior to my arrival and we added another golden named April to the mix. We also had various cats with real creative names like Kitty-Kitty. So the stage was set for me to be an animal lover from the very start. The only downside was I had horrible allergies as I’ve written about in previous blogs. I would well up in hives, red itchy eyes, and tight chest around most animals. Not all of them depending on my reaction to their dander but most all of them. I didn’t care and would nuzzle deeply into her fur for as long as I could stand it. The reward was always so much greater than my physical disability. It didn’t take me long to realize that dogs have one distinct role in this world. To love unconditionally. Its something I still watch in bewilderment at times. Whether they pee in the corner, bring a fresh kill to the back door, bark at nothing in the middle of the night, it’s my duty as a dog lover and owner just to forgive them and love them back. Dogs make me accountable in my life. They cannot do this life thing all on their own and when I make the commitment to have a dog, I'm all in, through it all. When I'm sick, they still need to be walked, fed, and acknowledged. When I'm tired, although sympathetic, they still need to fetch a bone and run free. When I'm sad they still need to be loved. It’s an amazing trade off and they have opened my heart deeper and wider than almost any human I’ve loved and lost along the way.So our two Boston terriers, Butch and Nelly started their usual spinning, panting, and generalized anxiety disorder when they hear the leashes being pulled from the drawer. It is after all their drawer. Nelly wags her butt so hard I swear she will throw her hip out one of these days. They immediately run to the door and try and sit still waiting for us. They are getting a bit older now so need to be lifted into the car, even though they will try they kind of get stuck half way between the ground and the car seat. It’s a bit of a pathetic sight looking like a bad gymnastics move, splayed open and unable to go up further or worse yet fall back to the ground. Panting like they’ve just walked through the desert for the last 40 years they try and find their place to lie down in the back seat. In a new trend, which I like, many of the veterinary offices have now opened up offices inside the big box retailers like Pet Co and Pet Smart. They even have beauty parlors inside. I wonder if it feels to them like what a day in Bergdorf Goodman’s feels like to me. It’s a one-stop shop for all things canine. Having two very distinct personalities they enter the store. Brushing passed other dogs and various employees in the store they strut to the back of the store looking like they are going to meet the Queen or something and of course stopping for an occasional sniff. We all check in and it’s onto the scale. Nelly is one of those big girl personalities that we all love. Think of Melissa McCarthy meets Laila Ali. She’s unapologetically goofy and awkward but for her size is oddly sturdy and strong. Just try and pull that new toy out of her jaws. She just puts it all out there for the world to see whether it’s ladylike or not. She would just as soon fart in your face than kiss it.Butch, who is Nelly’s father, is the consummate gentleman. He is the classic Boston Terrier. Ears up, standing as tall as he can on his spiny legs, a true athlete, and just exudes love and more love to everyone he comes across.We get the news that Nelly has an ear infection due in part I'm sure to the fact that she jumps onto the first step in the pool probably 20 times a day. She writhes around and cools of her belly and no doubt has water in her ears for most of the summer. Butch is ok, although having turned 10 recently he’s come through this life pretty lucky. Having a surgery last year and the obvious “getting old” problems we all have he’s doing remarkably well. I just watch them. I laugh at their different views on the goings on around them, how they react to the vet probing and prodding them, and just filled with such love and joy in that moment that we all have each other in this moment. It even makes me tear up a bit knowing that this relationship will one day come to an end. We get our instructions for the aftercare and head back home knowing Nelly will do an immediate cannonball into the pool and Butch will just roll his eyes at her, embarrassed by his daughters performances.I’ve had to say goodbye many times in this now 49 years to those I have loved deeply. The kind of events that just bring you to your knees in sorrow and sadness. But the day I had to say goodbye to my 14-year-old dog Mimi was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. If I can even presume even for a second what a parents feels like toward their children I felt as if my child had just died in my arms. This amazing little creature was such a part of my daily routine, my world, and my life. She was my buddy, my confidant, and my love. It took me a long time to move through her passing. I wonder if she knew the impact she had on my life? I wonder if she knew how guilty I would feel when work and life events would take me away from her now and again? I wonder if she knew that she saved me more times than I care to admit? I wonder if Butch and Nelly will get to meet her one day and share stories of how much they were loved by me?If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.jf